We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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