I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
