I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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