: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize