I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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