she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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