I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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