I think my vagina is haunted
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
