I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
