chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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