You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
