She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
