you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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