so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
