im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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