So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
