I wish I could teleport
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize