So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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