you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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