you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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