Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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