she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
