i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
whose ass print is on the piano?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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