just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
