Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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