I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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