I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
