i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
