dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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