speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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