remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
