Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
