You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
