WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
