You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
