absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
