I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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