How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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