im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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