I think im going to throw up on grandma
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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