Me. At least after what I've been through.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
