My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
