I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
