just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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