I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
