True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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