I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
