new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
