when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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