Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
