oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
two words: eviction party
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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