Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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