sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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