okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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