Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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