I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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