Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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